


Unsteady

by deanandidrinktea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ballet, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Help, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 08:53:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanandidrinktea/pseuds/deanandidrinktea
Summary: Young ballerina Castiel Novak just moved in New York. His life has always been cadenced by the noises of his  six brothers, the screams of his mother and ballet. Ballet is what makes him feel alive. What makes him feel wanted. But when Castiel Novak met Dean Winchester, a young man that fights and finds odd ways to send his younger brother to college, his whole life feels like a lie.Okay i totally suck at summaries but you can give this story a try !-very very slow updates but yeah-





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my native language and this is the first time i'm writing on ao3, so yeah. Good reading !   
> (i'm really sorry but this story sucks a lot)

December 4th was a cold day. A chilly wind was blowing on the city, making girls' skirts flying over their legs, revealing tights a little bit thin for the weather. People were rushing on the streets, running away from the dark clouds upon their heads, carrying big bags full of Christmas presents. Waiters took tables and chairs off their terraces, preventing from the threatening rain, tradesmen closed their shops to go find their families at home and soon enough, the city was quiet, except for the few passing cars on the road. As the day light grew darker, windows grew brighter, little dots of unnatural lights.

But there was this man, a young man, who didn't seem to be in a hurry. He was casually walking around, carefully avoiding to step on the black cracks of the road, his head up to look at the sky. As people emptied the streets, he seemed more than happy to be outside and enjoyed the fresh air. His hands were stuffed in his trench coat's big pockets, searching, his fingers twirling around his phone, linked to him by a pair of black headphones, blasting some music as his lips curved the lyrics of the song. Cheeks reddened by the wind, freezing nose and ocean-colored eyes, he was, as thought by the few women left, moving gracefully from a place to another. He wore the longest scarf, thrown around his neck, to keep him warmer than he was supposed to be, matching the color of his clear orbs.

Castiel buried his face in the soft material when he felt the first water drop falling on the top of his skull, as the sky finally started to cry. Even though he liked storms and the ambiance they bring, he wasn't so sure he was very keen on being under a long series of loud thunder and even colder rain. Luckily for him, the place in which he lived wasn't that far, and about ten minutes later, he found himself under the porch of a large family house. As he pushed the door open, his hand made its way inside his wet hair to shake it. 

"Mom, I'm here !" The young man yelled for the attention of the older woman, kicking his shoes off and closing his eyes at the loud noises in the house.

The Novaks were a large family, mostly composed by boys and the poor mom. There was Nick, the oldest, blonde-haired and tall, nicknamed Lucifer by his brothers, due to the easy capacity he had of getting angry. Gabriel came close after, the definition of sassiness was locked into a short boy, but he was as sweet as a lollipop. Then went the twins, Michael and Gadreel, as troublemakers as a couple of boys could be. Castiel was the fifth child, the quiet one, as every household needs one. Balthazar, two years younger, just finished high school and couldn't wait to leave his noisy family, but the littlest Novak, Samandriel, was only eleven.

As the black-haired young man made his way to the kitchen, he heard his youngest brother rushed down the stairs, missing the last one, almost falling on the thick carpet the mother had smartly placed here.

"Careful Samandriel !" screamed the mom, accustomed to the usual hyperactivity of her youngest son. But then she saw Cas, and her smile grew wider. It was almost 7pm, the table was set and the sweetest smell of spices was wrapping the room.

"Hi mom, what's up ?" The boy gently asked as his mom went over to give him kisses on both his cheeks.

"I should be the one asking that, how was practice ?" The boy sighed. It went well. But he would soon enough have to leave the house, to join his ballet company. Not that he wasn't happy. On contrary, at night, his heart beat faster as he thought of New York, its buildings and how it would be to live on his own, and finally live his dream. The dark circles under his eyes was sign of an excitement he couldn't hide anymore, but the scratch on both forearms also showed the fear.

As soon as the woman of the family shouted for dinner, loud steps on the stairs are heard and seven boys sat around the enormous round table. Even if the oldests now live on their own and the others a little bit here and there, every Thursday, all the children came to greet their mom, now so happy to have all of her boys at the family home. She sat at the end of the table, an empty chair across her and she sighed quietly. As she extended her hands, Samandriel on her right took it, followed by Balthazar, on her left. Soon enough, the room was soaked in silence, every member of the Novak family with their heads bowed down as the mom recited some quick blessing. The living room got all noisy as a loud 'amen' got heard and suddenly, it felt like a bomb had dropped on the house and all the boys started to talk at the same time.

"Guys" tried the mom, but as expected, no head turned over her.

"Guys !" she then tried louder, in vain.

"GUYS !" Everybody stopped to move, Nick with a chicken wing on the way between his fist and his teeth, as Gabriel's ruffled the younger brother's hair.

"Thank you. Tonight is a last one. Castiel leaves tomorrow. And you all know it. I would like tonight to be a quiet meal, a great one. Take a moment to congratulate your brother on his acceptation. This is important."

"Yes mom, we're all so proud of little Cas, now can we go back to something interesting like eating ?" mocked Nick -or Lucifer- as he rolled his eyes so far that he almost saw the back of his skull. Eventually, all the efforts the aging woman came to fade and everybody went back to annoy the other or eat the few potatoes left. Castiel looked at his family, all of his brothers, as irritating they can be, will miss him. He was worried for his mom too. He knew she would handle his absence very well -at least during the daylight- but he couldn't help worrying about her.

That night, Castiel didn't sleep. He felt wide awake, his blue eyes staring at the ceiling as the knot in his stomach grew bigger. The room was almost empty, a few furnitures stood there but what made his bedroom special was gone. He felt excited, he felt afraid. And what if all of those years of practice worth nothing ? He shut his eyes tight, hugging his pillow as if it could make the anxiety pain in his chest stop. Anything could go wrong, he knew no one, he was no one over there. That's with that last sad thought that he fell asleep. 

 

***

"Okay mom, I have to go now" said Cas the morning at the airport, hopelessly trying to pull his mom back as she gave him one last tight hug and a thousand last wet kisses on both his cheeks.

"But can't I say goodbye to my favorite son who's about to fly to New York and never come back to see his old mommy ?" The brothers groaned as the woman claimed Castiel to be her favorite, for which he just stuck his tongue out, knowing how foolish and playful all of his siblings were. He would definitely miss them.

The goodbyes were heartbreaking, tears stains stuck on the younger as his saw his brother go away, his backpack on behind, with the incertitude of seeing him soon. And if Nick and Gabriel tried hard to seem proud and happy for Cas, deep down they were torn apart. But they weren't the only ones. As soon as the young man turned his back to his rather large family, his own tears made their way up his eyes and started to fall down his cheeks. The young man didn't look back to see his whole family breaking because of his departure, he just sat on the plane and stared at the white clouds outside the window. When the machine took off, he felt freed.

Tall buildings and even taller towers made Castiel feel small. Behind the famous yellow cab's window, he was astonished by the view that the Big Apple offered him, and it was so much better than he could have expected. Oh, so yes people were rushing down the streets, forming groups of running men dressed in tux and ties while women's heels hit the ground with a repeating sound that the young man didn't like. and behind the towers were billions of offices and phones ringing, babies crying, toddlers screaming and their parents yelling for them to come back but Cas felt kind of good. He was touching, carefully stroking his dream with his fingertips and an excitement knot was forming in his stomach. as the driver pulled in front of and old building, Cas knew he had arrived in what he now has to call his home. Boxes reached the ground and soon enough the car has disappeared, leaving the poor man all alone in front of an used and heavy wooden door.

"Looks like it's only me now" sighed Cas, lifting the biggest boxe while trying to open the door with his foot, failing miserably. This new life started just great.

The black-haired man cursed under his breath as he tripped against one of the papers that laid across the floor. He became tired of making ways up and down the building to bring the cartons in the little room that is now the place where he'll live the next few years. Finally, when all of his stuff are back upstairs and a thin layer of sweat cover his forehead, he grabbed his beloved beige trench coat and blue scarf and went out.

New York City was beautiful in winter time. Snow here and there and the whole neighborhood was illuminated by the few Christmas lights that were already settled on. Everything seemed prettier here, even the cold, far cooler than sweet old California, seemed better. Castiel inhaled and exhaled as a cloud of steam escaped from his lips. With a big grin on his face, he greeted all the pedestrians walking by, as they all looked at him and smiled widely. Soon enough and involuntary, he found himself hanging out around the famous and enormous park of the city that never sleeps. People everywhere, not stopped by the coming night and cold, nor by the few snowflakes that took the previous sun's place. To say the young man was surprised by the amount of persons running with their dogs or riding a bike or just walking around, some food in the hands, was an understatement. Of course he had heard stories about how busy the city were and how many people actually lived there, but never he would have thought this would be it. His little town was far different, as the streets were empty as soon as the sun hid behind clouds or as soon as the temperature dropped. He was amazed.

Castiel went deeper into central park and buried his nose inside the soft material of his scarf while looking at his feet. But then a sweet melody made his eyes look up and saw a young man, sat on a wooden bench, gently strumming his guitar. A few coins rested in a cup at his feet but the man seemed lost in his music, that Cas recognize as the intro of 'nothing else matter' by Metallica. He felt chills in his toes and going up his spine at the sound of the chords and he couldn't resist at the feeling growing in his guts. Taking off his scarf to give himself more comfortability in his movements. In front of the bench, he gracefully raides his arms over his head and closed his eyes. At this moment, he just let the finger picking guitar melody transports him and he dances his heart out.

Castiel had fallen in love with ballet when he was five. At this time, he used to live with his brothers and his mom, in a small flat in the downtown. And there were that old green and wooden door in the hall that always seemed closed. It was some day June, the young boy doesn't remember quite exactly the day but it was in June for sure, he remembered his shirt stuck on his chest by a thin film of sweat. He was a curious little boy, always looking for something new to learn. And the classical music that escaped from the open window of the room closed by that same green wooden door, was something that intrigued him way too much. So he just stood on his toes and only both of his eyes peeked over the glass. A girl -no, a woman- was standing on her feet, wearing funny shoes -that he later learnt was pointe shoes- and her arms raised above her head. She looked so gracious and her face hung high on her shoulders. She had a skirt, a tutu liked that little girl in kindergarten called them, that was so blue it almost hurt his sight. But never he could have lost his eyes from the beautiful thing that was in front of him. He didn't hear the older woman coming by the window, a wrinkled smirk plastered on her face. And before he knew it, the little boy was in the room, in front of what seemed like a thousand of mirrors, practicing his newly found hobby. He couldn't care less if his bigger brothers thought that he looked ridiculous in his grey tights and white top, he was so happy to dance.

When Castiel finally opened his eyes, it was at the end of the song. A small crowd had formed around him and the guitar player as he let the inhabitants trow coins -and he could have sworn he saw a few bills- inside of the plastic cup. His face grew redder and he kept the pose, under the claps of his public that went away as fast as it arrived. His music player stood up, a fist full of the gains and took Cas' hand to give him.

"Here, I only have them because of you. You deserve at least the half, if not more" but the black-haired young man shook his head at his words.

"No, absolutely no, you need them more than I do, keep everything."

It didn't need to be say twice and the other man kept the change hidden in his rather large leather jacket pocket.

"My name is Dean. Thank you very much."

Castiel smiled widely and took Dean's hand to shake it. He felt shy and his cheeks got red when the guitarist smiled back. They stayed there, hand in hand, for a while, before the green-eyed guy coughed awkwardly.

"It was nice meeting you pal, but i gotta go. Thanks." Dean said, letting the warmth of Cas' hand go. He grabbed his guitar, placed it on his back and stuffed his hands inside of the pockets of his jacket.

Then he left. 

Castiel stood there.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really sorry if you've read until here, your eyes must bleed from how bad it was, your are brave, thank you for reading


End file.
